Professional Victims

It appears that playing “victim” in the U.S. is getting more popular these days. I’m struck with all the whining, blaming, accusing, and bellyaching.     It seems like playing the victim is now becoming fashionable!   

Many people unconsciously play a victim role and, in so doing, they enable others to mistreat, criticize, take advantage, and be disrespectful to them. Others consciously choose to play victim so that they can continue to be irresponsible and blame others for their misfortunes.  Read more

DEALING WITH SELF-PITY IN OTHERS

How to Deal with People Feeling Sorry for Themselves

When you encounter people who are good at playing the role of professional victim, you will often notice that you routinely get seduced by them because they whine and they want an audience. When people swim around in the pity pot they often want you to feel sorry for them so they can describe the breadth of their terrible situation without any interest in solving it or doing anything about it. They simply want you to pay attention to them while they enjoy the “poor me” and describe the “delicious agony of life.” There seems to be something curiously attractive about being a victim and a martyr… apparently sacrificing yourself does get attention.  They will often say things to you like, “You couldn’t possibly understand what I have been through.”  Then you can expect them to waste your time while they describe the “poor me” in great detail and they can enjoy their victimhood and contest of who is the most oppressed person.  You will want to appear interested and likely conclude that you have enabled them to play victim while you are trying to be nice, empathetic, and appreciative of their plight.

Read more

Enlightened Perspectives

Below are statements gathered from dozens of people, ages 5 to 95, many of which were collected in Live and Learn and Pass it On, Volume II.

For your consideration:

I’ve learned… that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned… that when you’re in love, and you find your smile, it shows.

Read more

Love and Marriage

 
Regardless of how happy and fulfilling your marriage or relationship is, inevitably you will encounter difficulties and disappointments along the way.  Often times it is either because you have become emotionally malnourished, you both feel unloved and/or unimportant, your relationship needs a tune-up, or perhaps the magic has faded.  Most marriage partners fail to do the ongoing maintenance of the relationship to keep it healthy. 
 
To rebuild a relationship that has gotten lost over the years, you must have a clear, compelling picture of the relationship you want. Then you both must commit to become equipped with the skills and habits to creating and maintaining that renewed and nourishing relationship.  
 

A relationship lives in words and action, much like a play. If your relationship has become its own version of a bad play, then to make a better play (relationship), you must write and practice good scripts.

One way that you can create good marriage scripts is by figuring out what you and your partner want out of the relationship.  In essence, it is time to “rewrite the screenplay.”

Start by having the following dialogue with your partner:

Read more

Relationship Glue

How to effectively leverage valuable business relationships

Times are tough. Many clients are abandoning their long-held business relationships for providers touting a lower cost or better terms. What keeps business relationships held together? I like to say it is “Relationship Glue” that keeps business relationships strong. I’m not talking about the sticky stuff but rather the things that we DO that demonstrate who we are as a person. It is the real value that we provide to clients and shareholders. Relationship glue is the action that follows a commitment, the willingness to extend our self on the client’s behalf and the ability to proactively listen and respond effectively to client’s needs and motives. If you are looking to hold together your business relationships click here to find out more about how you can use my “Relationship Glue” to make that happen!