Foundations of Common Sense

Do What You Know!

 

 

  1. SPEND LESS THAN YOU MAKE.

I am reminded of a remark made to me several years ago by my long-term friend and accountant. He asked me, “Dr. Perry, after so many years as a CPA and managing partner of my firm, would you like to know what I have learned about how to be successful in life with managing money?”

I replied, “Of course!”

He raised his arm at shoulder height, pointed to that level, and said, “When you are working and making money, you make this much. Right?”

Fascinated, I said, “Right.”

He then lowered his arm about six inches and said, “You then spend this much,” pointing to the lower height of his hand.

Anticipating the next remark, I asked, “Ok, and then?

He looked intense, then carefully responded and said, “Now this is where it gets complicated and complex.”

I leaned in as he said, “That’s it!

So, though I laughed out loud at the simplicity of his words, I have remembered that conversation all these years later; the remarkable thing is, THIS IS SO TRUE!

What do you do? DECIDE NOW TO CHANGE YOUR HABITS!  LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS AND SPEND LESS THAN YOU MAKE!  When you do, over time, you will accumulate a cushion of money and you will sleep much better as you get older. It’s Common Sense!

  1. SAVE MONEY.

When I was in 9th grade, my father taught me how to save money.  While everything he said was logical and obvious, I ignored taking his advice for years, finally beginning to practice his suggestions when I was 30.  I am so glad I did, because over the last several decades, I have really enjoyed the results. Saving money is easy to understand and so obviously effective.

All you have to do is WHAT YOU KNOW.  GET STARTED!  Click here for my article on “Saving Money: The 10% Factor”  https://jmperry.com/saving-money-common-sense-10-factor/

  1. EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE REGULARLY.

Some of you make a huge effort to manage your health. You gather a lot of information about healthy eating on TV, online, magazines, the news, video, or on the radio. There are constantly programs on food quality, healthy lifestyles, exercise routines, diet, etc.

Others of you may notice that you are hostage to your emotions entirely too frequently.  When you feel depressed, weak, anxious, stupid, ineffective, fat, undisciplined, lazy, or a failure, you may medicate with food. You consume more sugar, salt, fat, and processed foods.  You are looking for comfort from your emotional condition and then after a short while may actually feel worse. If you are overweight, unable to fit in your clothes, and feel unattractive, those conditions also impact you emotionally, which can seriously contaminate healthy lifestyles.

Furthermore, there are over 4 decades of professional research and literature that states that the overwhelming most effective treatment for depression is regular exercise!  It is difficult to feel bad when you have worked up a sweat!

Eating right and regularly exercising may aid in producing any or all of the following:

  • Weight control
  • Better circulation
  • Improved digestion and gut function
  • Better flexibility
  • Better sleep
  • Stronger constitution and regularity
  • Higher resistance to diseases
  • Longer life span
  • Faster ability to recover from setbacks
  • Higher performance levels
  • Closer and more functional relationships
  • Improved cardio-vascular function
  • Stronger self-concept

While all of this might appear to be Common Sense, it is!   

So, once again, DO WHAT YOU KNOW!

For further information on losing weight, see my article “Losing Weight – Learning to Overcome Pessimism” https://jmperry.com/category/losing-weight/

In addition, to get you going with regular exercise, see my article “Need to Exercise?  Brush Your Teeth.”  https://jmperry.com/july-2015-need-to-exercise-brush-your-teeth/

  1. SHOW RESPECT, APPRECIATION, AND GOOD MANNERS.

  • When people come into the room, especially adults and seniors, stand up. Give up your seat to the elderly, the infirmed, and to pregnant women.
  • Address people by name, pronounce the names correctly, and remember their names.                                        
  • Introduce yourself; look them in the eye.
  • Shake hands, show respect, and show your grace.
  • Say “please” and “thank you.”
  • Show table manners. If you are unaware of what those manners are, look them up or ask someone for guidance.
  • Dress well, clean, pressed, polished, groomed and stand tall.
  • Send handwritten thank you notes and condolence notes in the mail.
  • Make complete sentences, and remove chronic use of the word “Like.”
  • Avoid cursing, vulgar language, and low class humor.
  • Practice having a good command of the language.
  • Check in with people to show you care about them.
  • Make your focus about them, rather than you. You become more interesting when you are interested.
  • Be kind, respectful, gracious, and appreciative.
  • What you radiate, you attract. People will treat you how you teach them to treat you.

  1. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR.

Remember, when you are an adult, YOU are responsible for the lion’s share of your life’s quality and value.  If life is going well, you probably did that.  If life for you stinks, you largely did that too.  If life is a new level of underwhelming and beige, you mostly did that as well.

Replace being a victim with adult behavior. Replace dependency with independence.  Get educated, learn lessons, and be more proactive.

This is self-explanatory and full of COMMON SENSE! 

NOW IS THE TIME FOR DOING MORE OF WHAT YOU KNOW!

Rather than blame others for your misfortune, look in the mirror.  Take responsibility for the good stuff and the bad stuff.  Life is about learning lessons, and lessons will be repeated until they are learned.

  1. WORK SMART, PAY THE FREIGHT, AND GO THE EXTRA MILE.

A very wise man once told me that he was quite different from most people.  When I asked him why, he looked at me intensely and said in a matter of fact tone, “Because unlike most people, I pay the freight!”

I have always remembered that conversation and have applied that principle many times throughout my life both personally and professionally.  I have always admired and respected people who are proactive and automatically pay the freight.

Conversely, I have also been routinely unimpressed and disgusted with those who think paying the freight is someone else’s job.

In life, have you ever noticed that there are people who make things happen, people who watch what happened, and people who wonder what happened?  The population of people who make things happen is entirely too small. That might be you.

You may be a person who often waits; you are more reactive. My experience is that people who are reactive on a chronic basis are generally depressed and unhappy. Why? Because they are always waiting for something to happen. Therefore, they are hostage to the next move.

Then there are those people who wonder what happened.  They are the ones who collect parking tickets, place them in the glove box of the car, and then wonder why there is a warrant for their arrest.  They have taken their hand off the tiller and now wonder how they ended up in this place.

So, make the first move; ask the person to dance, pick up the phone, get the results you are looking for. When you take the initiative, you are more in control.  When that happens, you are a happier camper. 

Step up, DO WHAT YOU KNOW, BE PROACTIVE, AND PAY THE FREIGHT!

For more information on this topic, see my article “Take Action.”  https://jmperry.com/february-2014-take-action/

  1. DO THE MAINTENANCE ON YOUR HEALTH, THE WELFARE OF YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR PARENTS, AND YOUR FRIENDS.

Remember, as an adult, you have many responsibilities to assume.

Here are some responsibilities reflecting a person of character:

  • Taking charge of your health, your maintenance of it, and your education about it.
  • Meeting and exceeding expectations of the maintenance of your children’s welfare. You look after their safety, education, and character development. You instill principles and standards of conduct and quality. You hold them accountable. You help them and allow them to learn lessons along the way (sometimes learning lessons the hard way).
  • Looking after your parents. They looked after you and may have done a great job or less so. Regardless, you have a responsibility to look after them as they age. They can be difficult, just like you were when you were young. Love what you can love and let the rest go.
  • Accept your extended family. Rather than shopping for those people, you got what you got. Celebrate what you can and forgive what seems difficult. Be the role model. Keep your self-respect high while you love what you can love. Keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
  • Contribute to society. If you are fortunate enough to live in the United States, then you have some rent to pay for your time here. Your contribution to society can take many forms: time, money, caring, volunteering, educating, et al.  From this initiative comes meaning and confirmation of what the business of living is all about.
  1. IMPROVE YOUR CHARACTER AND PRACTICE FORGIVENESS.

When it comes down to it, everything is about your character… your standards, your conduct, and your basic governing values.

Every morning you wake up you. Wherever you go, there you are, so there you go. Try as you might, the only person who will ALWAYS show up is you!  It is insane to treat that person you see in the mirror with disrespect.

It is imperative that you continually reduce the gap between what you profess and what you do.

STRONG CHARACTER IS MADE UP OF:

  1. INTEGRITY
  2. RESPONSIBILITY
  3. GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT

That is Common Sense, and it is time for you to DO WHAT YOU KNOW!

For further information on Strength of Character, see my article “It’s Your Life!  It’s Always About Your Character!”

https://jmperry.com/its-your-life-its-always-about-your-character/

  1. REPLACE BLACK/WHITE THINKING WITH MULTIPLE OPTIONS.

As you think about a conflict that you’ve been dealing with in one respect or another, you’ll notice that every time you encounter that conflict you start to polarize.  What that means is that you’ll interpret anything that creates stress from a position of two options.  

You’ll think about:

  • right vs. wrong
  • good vs. bad
  • success vs. failure
  • win vs. lose
  • right vs. wrong
  • smart vs. stupid
  • all vs. nothing

When you start polarizing you are only thinking in two options and you start obsessing about the loss, the nothing, the stupid or the failure. The result is ongoing conflict that is often consumed in a contest of who is right.

So, what do you do?

Make sure that in any situation around which there is conflict, that there are a minimum of three options.  You’ll be struck to see that when you offer three or more options, most any conflict now seems to be manageable.  

So instead of polarizing, make sure there are multiple options… a minimum of three.

10.  ADOPT THE SUCCESS FORMULA.

A. Show up on time.
B. Be nice to people.
C. Do what you say you will do.
D. Deliver more than you promise.
E. Do it with energy and passion.

ONCE AGAIN, THIS LOOKS LIKE COMMON SENSE!

 

 

Summary

The key is for you to connect:

  1. What You Do (your behavior)… with
  2. What You Know (Common Sense).

And, remember, IT’S COMMON SENSE… and Common Sense is very Uncommon!

DEALING WITH SELF-PITY IN OTHERS

How to Deal with People Feeling Sorry for Themselves

When you encounter people who are good at playing the role of professional victim, you will often notice that you routinely get seduced by them because they whine and they want an audience. When people swim around in the pity pot they often want you to feel sorry for them so they can describe the breadth of their terrible situation without any interest in solving it or doing anything about it. They simply want you to pay attention to them while they enjoy the “poor me” and describe the “delicious agony of life.” There seems to be something curiously attractive about being a victim and a martyr… apparently sacrificing yourself does get attention.  They will often say things to you like, “You couldn’t possibly understand what I have been through.”  Then you can expect them to waste your time while they describe the “poor me” in great detail and they can enjoy their victimhood and contest of who is the most oppressed person.  You will want to appear interested and likely conclude that you have enabled them to play victim while you are trying to be nice, empathetic, and appreciative of their plight.

Read more

Practicing Reinforcement

People need to get fed. They want to know what they are doing that is good. So, regularly catch them doing something right… AND TELL THEM!

It is insane for them to finally find out how good they are at their funeral… so tell them now!

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Practicing Reinforcement:  Catching Others Doing Something Right!

PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU TEACH THEM TO TREAT YOU.

THAT WHICH GETS REINFORCED, GETS DONE.

Think about what actually nourishes and encourages you to produce and perform well.

Usually it is mostly about others being impressed, dazzled and proud of you.  You are often driven to do well because of:
Your own self-concept
Your values, and
The regard, respect, cheering, and reinforcement you receive from others.

In company cultures, community organizations, marriages, and families (and just about any important relationship with others) there are usually 3 ways in which people find out how they are doing in the minds of others:

  1. Criticism, pejorative remarks, “constructive advice”
  2. Silence, absence of any reaction, indifference
  3. Reinforcement, encouragement, compliments, appreciation

Most of the time people receive lots of #1 and #2.  Criticism and silence, they even say with relief… “no news is good news!”  However, the price on long-term performance is huge.  The result is most of your people end up severely EMOTIONALLY MALNOURISHED.  They eventually run out of inspiration and emotional reserves to keep producing at high levels.

So, remember the following axiom:
If someone with whom you have any relationship is behaving in a way you become impressed and appreciative, and you reinforce that very behavior you like, you are likely to receive more of that behavior!

Most everyone believes that, and yet we only practice reinforcement with two populations: small children and dogs!  If it works with them, then will it work on GROWN -UPS?  Of course!

Here are some general guidelines when practicing reinforcement at work:

  1. Be specific about what they did or are doing.
  2. Share with them what value their behavior has for you.
  3. Tie in what value their behavior has for the team / organization.
  4. Make a point of practicing reinforcement at meetings.
  5. Get into the habit of reinforcing more than you criticize.
  6. Send “thank you” notes in email or preferably through snail mail.
  7. Send group voice mails or emails showing reinforcement for someone or several people.  This increases the expectation that good news can be shared and recognition is very acceptable.
  8. Relax your concern that you will be at risk to reinforcing too much.  Most likely, people will keep producing well with new expectations of receiving validation and recognition.
  9. Practice telling people what impresses you.  You will finally get comfortable with it, and they will get comfortable with receiving it.
  10. If people discount your compliment, simply repeat it again until they say “thank you.”
  11. Practice accepting compliments:  say “Thank You.”

You will notice people will be happy to tell you more and you get fed!

You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others TOO MUCH!

Remember, life is about two things:
Touching peoples’ lives and
Having your own life touched in return.

Therefore, what touches people’s lives MORE than reinforcement and appreciation?

Today’s Tickle

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. For me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ It’s unclear how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

And, finally ~ If you learn to laugh at trouble, you will have something to laugh at when you’re old.

STRENGTH OF CHARACTER

Hello All:

Consider these names in the news:
Alex Rodriguez, Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds,
Anthony Weiner, Mark Sanford, Elliot Spitzer,
Rod Blagojevich, Martha Stewart and Bob Filner.

What thoughts come to mind?  Admiration or disappointment?  Respect or cynicism?  Awe or let-down? Impressed or depressed?

Which is more likely, respect follows like or like follows respect?  You are popular and likely therefore to be respected?  Or are you respected and likely therefore to be liked?  Which has a longer shelf-life, being liked or being respected?

If you really think about it… RESPECT HAS A LONGER SHELF-LIFE, and you are more likely to be liked and popular after you are respected.

Like most always follows respect.  And, people will respect you MORE when you improve your own self-respect.

So strengthen your character and start with your own SELF-RESPECT.  You either dilute it or build it up.  It is up to you.

You either snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic, or you go on the road less traveled and stick with your strong character.

At the end of the day, everything comes down to your character.

It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Share Your Strength of Character

Every morning when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  Are you pleased or embarrassed?  Proud or ashamed?  Impressed or depressed?  Excited or bored?  Energetic or listless?  Engaged or isolated?  Powerful or weak?  How is your self-respect?

Every morning, whether you like it or not, you wake up inside your own skin.  You always wake up you, which means you are always there attending that party… so does it make any sense to you to dislike the person in the mirror?  You are unable to get away from that person,  which means you always have to live with yourself, your feelings, your choices, and your behavior.  And, just like compounded interest in a bank account, there are long-term effects to those choices and behaviors.

At the end of the day, the measure of your life
is inevitably determined by your CHARACTER and all its strengths and weaknesses.  So, what is the condition of your Character?  What are your basic governing values?  What are the basic governing principles by which you want to live?

The essential qualities for Strength of Character include:
INTEGRITY: Honesty, legitimacy, the straight stuff, the full disclosure; the willingness to be unpopular at times, by telling the truth; the absence of lying, tap-dancing, pretending, rationalizing, spinning, distracting and avoiding.
RESPONSIBILITY: Your life is completely your responsibility.  If life is going well for you, you probably made it happen.  If life is going poorly, you did that too.  And if life is a whole new level of underwhelming… you did that too.  The cards dealt to you are yours to play — good or bad.  So take your lumps and get on with it.  The energy you spend on whining, complaining, catastrophizing, awfulizing, and admiring the problems will be so much better spent on problem solving.
GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT: This part of your Strength of Character is about giving more than taking, contributing more than consuming, caring more than expecting, investing more than expensing, and forgiving more than condemning.  This part of you is faith, living in the light, deriving meaning, and hearing the quiet.  You get more than you give when you give more than you get.  (Hmmm… random acts of kindness.)
So, establish a higher standard for yourself and your life.  Commit to INTEGRITY, RESPONSIBILITY, and GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT… and then share your values and spread them around.  You are quite a role model!

Raise your bar!

Today’s Tickle

One of the Greats

Lawrence Peter Berra played major league baseball for 19 years for the New York Yankees. He played on 10 World Series Championship teams, is a MLB Hall of Famer and has some awe-inspiring stats. His name is consistently brought up as one of the best catchers in baseball history, and he was voted to the Team of the Century in 1999.

Amazing accomplishments aside, they probably aren’t how you know Lawrence . You know him as Yogi, a nickname given to him by a friend who likened his cross-legged sitting to a yogi. Yogi is famous for his fractured English, malapropisms and sometimes nonsensical quotes. He’s closing in on 88, and there seems to be no end to his fans’ love for him.

Here are 25 Yogi Berra quotes that will make you shake your head and smile.

1. “It’s like deja vu all over again.”
2. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
3. “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
4. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
5. “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”
6. “If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
7. “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up some place else.”
8. Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: “I really didn’t say everything I said.”
9. “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
10. “I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”
11. On why he no longer went to Ruggeri’s, a St. Louis restaurant: “Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.”
12. “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”
13. “We have deep depth.”
14. “All pitchers are liars or crybabies.”
15. When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
16. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
17. “Never answer anonymous letters.”
18. On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: “Thank you for making this day necessary.”
19. “The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”
20. “Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.”
21. As a general comment on baseball: “90% of the game is half mental.”
22. “I don’t know (if they were men or women running naked across the field), they had bags over their heads.”
23. “It gets late early out there.”
24. Carmen Berra, Yogi’s wife asked: “Yogi, you are from St. Louis , we live in New Jersey , and you played ball in New York . If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?”  Yogi’s answer: “Surprise me.”
25. “It ain’t over till it’s over…..”

EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Listening!  It’s what everyone wants in all relationships — business and personal — spouses want it most in each other, customers want it in customer service, bosses and subordinates want it from each other.

So what is going on?

Most of us spend our time rehearsing a response rather than listening to what was said… insanity!

So start learning to listen!

It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.     

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Effective Listening

Are you a good communicator?

Communication Facts:
Effective Communication is fundamental to successful relationships – both personal and professional
We all communicate daily in some capacity to others
Most people are poor communicators
We get little if any training in effective communication
Yogi Berra once said, “Communication is 90% listening and the other half is talking.”

To the degree to which you can improve your listening skills you will immediately become a better communicator.

Listening is all about Selective Perception.

Selective Perception means viewing the world through a set of filters (culture, background, mood, attitude, emotions, etc.).  You see what you want to see.  You hear what you want to hear.

Keep in mind there are two levels of communication:

CONTENT — The Data — The Facts
What is said:  This is the basic factual data, without
any packaging.

CONTEXT — The Intent — The Packaging
How it is said:  When we notice context signals that
are more familiar to us, we naturally feel more
comfortable and have more rapport.

People respond far more to context than content so remain aware of the signals, the tone, volume, pitch, speed, expressions, body language, etc.  We are all programmed to respond to contextual signals so be aware of the signals you are giving and receiving.  They may convey a different message than you intend.  In every conversation remain conscious of the speaker’s content and context to be sure you get the right message.

Learn to Listen!  It is critical to make sure you understand others correctly.  Effective listening generates the following results:
It reduces the margin of error on what we heard
It allows the person who was speaking to us to reduce their defenses and relax
It helps keep the interchange on track
Remember, Listening is the best way to get your point across!

Today’s Tickle

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons:
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on:
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

ENGAGING “THE PULL”

Hello,

Remember, when it comes to persuading others, there is a BIG difference between what is supposed to work and WHAT DOES. Use “The Pull” and LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.

Dr. Mitchell Perry  

 The Art of Ultimate Persuasion:
Engaging “The Pull”

When you are in a conversation with someone who is speaking, do you find yourself just waiting for him or her to stop talking so you can start?  And, while you are waiting are you rehearsing your beautifully prepared gospel according to you?

How often are you trying to force-feed others with your opinions?  Are you telling more than listening?  Does it often seem frustrating that people resist your advice and refuse to change?

You know your intentions are good, and your advice is great!  What gives?  What is wrong with these people?

Well, remember what Stephen Covey says in his
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then be understood.”  The message here is that you are much more likely to get others to change when they conclude it makes sense to do so.  If you first understand them, they will be less resistant to your ideas and suggestions when you make them.

If you want others to change, you must ask first, and be prepared to listen.
1.   Ask first what is important to them, what’s on their mind, how do they feel, what’s going on, etc.
2.   Then listen.  Understand, empathize, learn, and appreciate their position.
3.   Then steer them to better conclusions.

It’s remarkable how much more receptive others will be toward your position when they have been heard first and understood.

So the message here is this:  When you are interested in persuading others and the issues are important to you, FIRST ASK QUESTIONS AND LISTEN.  When you do this, people will be less resistant to change and more likely to adjust their position and follow your suggestions.

When you “Pull” (instead of “push”) you “LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.”


Today’s Tickle

Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who use more powerful weapons.
The 50-50-90 Rule:  Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine tax is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of people who lacked enough intelligence to get out of jury duty.   

Love and Marriage

When you get married, you marry the “courtship behavior.”  It’s insane to stop the very behavior you marry!

So, restore the courtship behavior and you strengthen your union together.

Dr. Mitchell Perry

    Love and Marriage

Regardless of how happy and fulfilling your marriage or relationship is, inevitably you will encounter difficulties and disappointments along the way.  Often times it is either because you have become emotionally malnourished, your relationship needs a tune-up, or perhaps the magic has faded.  To rebuild a relationship that has gotten lost over the years, you need a clear, compelling picture of the relationship you want.  Then you both must commit to creating and maintaining that partnership. 

A relationship lives in words and action, much like a play.  If your relationship has become its own version of a bad play, then to make a better play (relationship), you need to write and practice good scripts. 

One way that you can create good marriage scripts is by figuring out what you and your partner want out of the relationship.  In essence, it is time to “rewrite the screenplay.” 

Start by having the following dialogue with your partner:

  1. What do you want me to know about you? What do you want/need from me?  (Attention, time, listening, etc.)
  2. Here’s what I want you to know about me.  Here’s what I need from you.   
  3. How would you say our normal conversations work?
  4. What is our predictable screenplay?  
  5. What are the road blocks to improving our marriage?  (Self pity, score keeping, name calling, guilt trips, etc.)
  6. What are we going to do differently going forward?

Be sure to find out what your partner wants, and then give your partner what your partner wants.  YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

Remember what your woman wants, and give it to her, because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what she wants:

  1. Listen to me and then listen some more (and look interested).
  2. Pay attention to me and BE with me… because “I am who I’m with.”
  3. Empathize and quit giving me advice (unless I ask for it). 
  4. Hold me, cherish me, show me I’m the one!  I must be the dominant source of your happiness.

Remember what your man wants, and give it to him, because you did during courtship!  Here is most likely what he wants:

  1. Look good, lose the weight, and dress up, because how you look is critical to me.
  2. Pay attention to me and DO with me… because “I am what I do.”
  3. Sexual gymnastics (complete with howling at the moon!)
  4. Treat me like a king!  I must be a big deal in your eyes.

Take these steps with your partner and see what happens.  Re-scripting your relationship can only lead to a better understanding of yourself… and your partner.

Then pay the freight, take initiative, practice new habits and restore the courtship.

And, remember reinforce more than you criticize… 5 times more!
 

Balancing Your Life

So you are in midlife and you notice life goes by so fast!
What’s the point? What really matters anyway?
Answer: Touching people’s lives and getting your life touched.

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Balancing Your Life

Most people want to be happy and successful. Ask yourself what that would mean to you. When you think of being quite happy what images come to mind? In addition, what does being very successful look like? Furthermore, what’s the point?

HAPPINESS IS CLOSENESS. When you think about experiences in life in which you were really happy, there were probably people in your memory and you were happy in large part because you felt CLOSE to those people. The closer you feel to people you care about, the happier you are. So, one objective in life is to establish, build, and maintain some quality and nourishing CLOSENESS in your relationships. Closeness is usually found and developed in your personal life.

SUCCESS IS ACHIEVEMENT. When you think of times in your life when you felt quite successful, you probably thought of things you achieved. Creating a goal and achieving it builds a solid sense of identity, strength, and autonomy. Continually achieving goals builds confidence and purpose which develops the self and creates independence. So, another objective in life is to continually realize success by realizing ACHIEVEMENTS. Success is usually found in your professional life.

CREATING BALANCE. Some form of balance between both dimensions of personal and professional life is essential for optimum success and happiness. People who are highly professionally successful (always achieving) but always personally unhappy (estranged, isolated, unconnected from people) are unbalanced on the success side. They often end up driven and angry. They must start creating valuable CLOSENESS to fix it.

Likewise, people who are personally very happy (close with significant people) yet very professionally unsuccessful (unable / unwilling to achieve anything) are unbalanced on the happiness side. They usually end up dependent, clingy, and fearful. They must begin to ACHIEVE things to fix it.

DEVELOP MEANING. Fulfillment in life comes when there is clear and evident meaning to your existence. Write down your basic governing values. Contribute something to society as part of paying the rent for your time here. Commit to something larger than yourself and watch the development of grace. Life is really about touching lives and getting your life touched as a result.

Develop closeness, commit to achieving, and life becomes balanced.

Then contribute to society in some way with your time, resources, and grace. Meaning emerges and so does fulfillment.

 Today’s Tickle
 These are classified ads which were actually placed in U.K. newspapers:

 FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. ________________________________________________ 
 FREE PUPPIES Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. 
 Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. _____________________________________________________________ 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. _____________________________________________________________ 
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. ___________________________________________________________ 
 And the WINNER is… 
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 
 Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. 
 No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.