Think about how you try to persuade anyone to do anything. Most of the time when you try to advise, recommend, urge, suggest, or persuade anyone to take your advice, you PUSH, you TELL, you routinely give answers. And, you may end up bewildered because very often, your answers are accurate and wise, you are well-intended, and your advice is in their best interest.
Remember, when it comes to persuading others, there is a BIG difference between what is supposed to work and WHAT DOES. Use “The Pull” and LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
The Art of Ultimate Persuasion:
Engaging “The Pull”
When you are in a conversation with someone who is speaking, do you find yourself just waiting for him or her to stop talking so you can start? And, while you are waiting are you rehearsing your beautifully prepared gospel according to you?
How often are you trying to force-feed others with your opinions? Are you telling more than listening? Does it often seem frustrating that people resist your advice and refuse to change?
You know your intentions are good, and your advice is great! What gives? What is wrong with these people?
Well, remember what Stephen Covey says in his
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” The message here is that you are much more likely to get others to change when they conclude it makes sense to do so. If you first understand them, they will be less resistant to your ideas and suggestions when you make them.
If you want others to change, you must ask first, and be prepared to listen.
1. Ask first what is important to them, what’s on their mind, how do they feel, what’s going on, etc.
2. Then listen. Understand, empathize, learn, and appreciate their position.
3. Then steer them to better conclusions.
It’s remarkable how much more receptive others will be toward your position when they have been heard first and understood.
So the message here is this: When you are interested in persuading others and the issues are important to you, FIRST ASK QUESTIONS AND LISTEN. When you do this, people will be less resistant to change and more likely to adjust their position and follow your suggestions.
When you “Pull” (instead of “push”) you “LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.”
Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who use more powerful weapons.
The 50-50-90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine tax is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of people who lacked enough intelligence to get out of jury duty.