ASKING FOR HELP

The cooperation conundrum:
Among the most insane habits we humans
practice is to prevent the very thing we want
and disallow the very thing that works.

Dr. J. Mitchell Perry

ASKING FOR HELP Read more

Enlightened Perspectives

I often think about life in general and mine in particular when it seems that I am experiencing increasing opportunities presented to me that say “Would you like a senior discount?”

It is certainly true that life seems to be going by faster, and I can only say… “Who authorized that?”

So here are some musings for your consideration and for you to pause and re-evaluate the business of living: Read more

Common Sense

EMBRACE COMMON SENSE… and Common Sense is very uncommon!

Dr. Mitchell Perry

“COMMON SENSE”

Notice how often you hear people say…

“That’s just common sense… everyone knows that!” Read more

TAKING THINGS TOO PERSONALLY

If you routinely take things personally, you may often believe whatever just happened must be involving you somehow… so ask yourself a question, ‘Am I that big a deal?  Is it really about me again?’

Dr. Mitchell Perry

TAKING THINGS TOO PERSONALLY Read more

THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY

When you become hostage to fear and then deliberately choose to be dependent, you stay in an emotional prison that makes you miserable and weak.

Dr. Mitchell Perry

THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY

The fascinating thing is how many people deliberately opt for a dependency existence either personally, professionally, emotionally, and/ or financially… then they spend their lives complaining and remaining hostage to the very condition for which they opted.

Some examples to consider:
Government Workers (the Public Sector) – They often tend to go down a path that is often predetermined.  They trade in their control over destiny for the illusion that job security is worth it. Then they are mostly rewarded by how LONG they have been working, rather than how WELL they are working.  Many often remain miserable people and expect a predictable pay grade, lifestyle, etc., all the while remaining malcontents simply because they choose to remain hostage to a situation that keeps them dependent.  Moreover, since it is often impossible to get fired in the public sector, their commitment to excellence is eroded, because of the group pressure to join the union of the mediocre.
Good-looking Women (sex objects) who seek out rich men (success objects) – Many of these women often go after men with money to gain the dependence on financial security (an illusion of safety), however, once they get the commitment they want from the man, many tend to change and treat the guy badly… they become critical, demanding, disapproving, and pejorative simply because they are dependent and are now “hostage” in their heads, to the man.  The very dependency they wanted is the very situation that now reminds them of their own weakness.  Therefore, they blame the guy, spend his money, and treat him badly.  (The more you give up responsibility for yourself, the more it makes you continually blame others for your condition that you chose.)
Healthcare Workers, Shift Workers at the Company Plant, and Retail Service Representatives.           For example, thirty years ago, being a flight attendant was a glamorous job with great pay, perks and benefits.
Over the years things have clearly changed… working conditions, passenger behavior, grooming, standards of conduct, physical condition, and the entire traveling experience.  I think this job is the last thing many flight attendants thought they would be doing thirty years later.  Clearly many of them appear to often feel hostage to the job because of seniority, vesting, or they are clueless as to what else they would be doing.  This has made many of them bitter and filled with TDC (Thinly Disguised Contempt).  Therefore, it appears many often want the customers to enjoy their unhappiness.  Once again, the very dependency they opted for has made them hostage and therefore, weak, powerless, and unhappy.
Divorce Agreements – It is clear that couples who are unable to reach agreement in divorce settlements are often very unhappy and complaining when the final disillusion decision is made by the courts.  The more the couple is dependent on the decisions of the judge, the more it creates anger and complaints.  On he other hand, couples who take responsibility together to arrive at acceptable divorce settlements tend to accept the results and move on with their lives with less complaining and going back to court.

The Fabric of Society
As so many more people continue to adopt the ENTITLEMENT attitude where the “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?” perspective becomes ubiquitous, I expect that more and more people will give up control over their lives to government, disability support, workers compensation fraud, dipping into the public treasury, unions, welfare, entitlements, etc., which simply continues to insure their unhappiness/misery as a consequence of wanting to be dependent.  As more people opt to be dependent, they want to be taken care of, and therefore, their initiative, self-respect, performance, and control over their lives evaporates.  Thus the omnipresent dependency addiction simply sucks the life out of society.

Presently, according to a recent article, 48% of all families in the U.S. today are dipping into the public treasury somehow.  This means that approximately half of the population is opting to be dependent on the other half… all while complaining and whining.  And, certainly the half that is paying is getting really tired of enabling the dependent people to remain dependent and whining.

It also appears curious that the half that is paying is called “greedy” while the receiving half is called “entitled.”

So it seems that people with dependency addiction have three options:

  1. Continue as they are, expect to be dependent, play the victim, avoid responsibility for their lives, and keep complaining / whining. (Remember, when you choose the dependency, you choose the consequences.)
  2.  Continue the dependency behavior, except quit the complaining and whining.  Simply accept the security and keep quiet.
  3. Decide to take more responsibility / control for their lives and future, act more independent, take more initiative, and be more proactive.  Spend less time describing the problem and more time solving it.

As Abraham Lincoln said,

  • You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
  • You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
  • You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
  • You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
  • You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
  • You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence.
  • You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.

It is time for us as a large group of citizens to grow up, establish more backbone, take responsibility for ourselves, appreciate what we have, put a premium on self-respect and quit demanding to be taken care of.

Further, if you choose to remain dependent, then quit complaining about the very condition for which you opted.

Only when you take responsibility for your life, the cards that are dealt, your behavior, your decisions, and your future can you develop some real solid self-respect.

And, self-respect is critical if you want to feel good about what you see in the mirror.

IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER!

IT’S COMMON SENSE… And remember, Common Sense is very uncommon!

Today’s Tickle

HILARIOUS DATING ADS FOR SENIORS

Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper. You can say what you want about Florida, but you rarely hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper.  (Who says seniors lack a sense of humor?)
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FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty. 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5’6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.  Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
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LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband.  Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting,shortness of breath not a problem.
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SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.  If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
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WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
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BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
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MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.
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My favorite…
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

Practicing Reinforcement

People need to get fed. They want to know what they are doing that is good. So, regularly catch them doing something right… AND TELL THEM!

It is insane for them to finally find out how good they are at their funeral… so tell them now!

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Practicing Reinforcement:  Catching Others Doing Something Right!

PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU TEACH THEM TO TREAT YOU.

THAT WHICH GETS REINFORCED, GETS DONE.

Read more

TAKE ACTION

Hello:

“If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.”  Does this sound familiar?  Do you ever notice that when you hear this, you simply want to stall?  And before you know it, your life has passed you by and all you do is COUNT moments rather than LIVE them.

So, get off your backside and get going!  Remember, “DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY… DOING IT IS PRIMARY!”

Dr. Mitchell Perry

TAKE ACTION

Let’s wait and see what happens, this isn’t a good time. I want to think about it. I need more time first. I might do it wrong… I might make a mistake. I just don’t want to right now. I wish something would happen. I’m not quite ready to do that. I don’t want to talk about it.

Stalling, waiting, marking time, holding steady; does this sound familiar?

All too often, most people would rather describe a problem than solve it, react more than pro-act – passive more than active.  The result… just more time rehearsing and refining their problem description skills without taking any action.

Do you want to get a new job, get a college degree, learn a language, lose weight, get in shape, fix your marriage, or play the piano?  Well, do you REALLY want to, or do you just want to talk about… or whine about it?

You must always ask yourself a fundamental question whenever you want to do anything!

ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THE FREIGHT?

Read more

CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST

HO! HO! HO!

JINGLE, JINGLE, JINGLE…OMG, HERE COMES KRIS KRINGLE!

It’s time for Santa, and yuletide, and spending the money,
For presents, and cookies, and egg nog so yummy,

Of your wishes, and daydreams, and caroling bright,
Will you hide in the shadows, or sing out loud in the light?

Out grumpy, out whiny, cease your complaining,
On Rudolf, on tinsel, t’is the season champagning!

Around doubters and cynics, to “believe” is so fickle,
You must now spread some cheer, and create a fun tickle!

Now if you encounter a fat man, who’s jolly and cute,  Wearing a beard and a smile, and a red flannel suit,

If he’s chuckling, and giggling, and laughing away,   While flying around in the night, in a magical sleigh,

With eight magic reindeer, to pull him along,   Then perhaps it could be, that your eggnog’s too strong!

Yet consider the options, make your choice unafraid,
Climb aboard Santa’s sleigh, and be in the parade!

When your life is so touched, it’s the way of the heart,
Be sure you touch many, right from the start!

On our sleigh ride together, measure for measure,
Instead of “not bad”, it’s indeed been OUR PLEASURE!

May you and yours have a VERY MERRY PERRY HOLIDAY!

MERRY MERRY FROM JM PERRY!

Cheers,

Dr. Mitchell Perry

Change Yourself First

How often do you find yourself complaining about someone you wish would change? Do you wish your spouse would simply pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper?  Your mother would quit being so critical about virtually everything?  Your boss would throw you a bone and give you a bit of credit?  Sound familiar?

Notice how much energy you spend trying to get these people to change.  Your dedication to the “people fixing rehabilitation project” is quite impressive, yet, as you know, this project is destined to fail.  THE MORE YOU TRY TO CHANGE SOMEONE, THE MORE THEY PUSHBACK, RESIST YOUR EFFORTS, AND STAY THE SAME.

What to do?  Change yourself and your behavior FIRST.  You know for certain that you have more power over changing your own behavior anyway.  Furthermore, when you change your own behavior, you frequently force those around you to adjust and change as well.

Consider the following examples:
You want your wife to quit being so critical of you.  Has it occurred to you that you help her remain critical because you are often critical of her?  So change yourself first.  Write your wife a letter telling her all the things you appreciate about her.  Then watch… her behavior is likely to change.  Furthermore, when she is criticizing, leave her alone with her misery.  Let her enjoy her unhappiness by herself.  She is more likely to choose having your company than risk losing it by continuing to criticize you.
You want your husband to pick up the laundry and put it in the hamper.  Yet every time he fails to do it you jump in and take care of it yourself.  You wonder why his behavior remains the same.  You are teaching him how to treat you.  What to do?  Change yourself first.  Put the clothes in a pile on his pillow.  Put the hamper on the front seat of his car, or file a lawsuit against your spouse with a charge of “irreconcilable laundry differences!”  Then watch… your spouse is likely to think twice about dirty laundry and expect you to always take care of it.
The message is this:  When you make it policy to regularly consider what YOU can do differently, the world becomes a different place.

You can move mountains with a single thought.  Change yourself and your contribution first… and watch the mountains move!

Today’s Tickle

THIS IS GREAT!

You think English is easy???

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?