If you routinely take things personally, you may often believe whatever just happened must be involving you somehow… so ask yourself a question, ‘Am I that big a deal? Is it really about me again?’
Dr. Mitchell Perry
TAKING THINGS TOO PERSONALLY Read more
When you become hostage to fear and then deliberately choose to be dependent, you stay in an emotional prison that makes you miserable and weak.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY
The fascinating thing is how many people deliberately opt for a dependency existence either personally, professionally, emotionally, and/ or financially… then they spend their lives complaining and remaining hostage to the very condition for which they opted.
Some examples to consider:
Government Workers (the Public Sector) – They often tend to go down a path that is often predetermined. They trade in their control over destiny for the illusion that job security is worth it. Then they are mostly rewarded by how LONG they have been working, rather than how WELL they are working. Many often remain miserable people and expect a predictable pay grade, lifestyle, etc., all the while remaining malcontents simply because they choose to remain hostage to a situation that keeps them dependent. Moreover, since it is often impossible to get fired in the public sector, their commitment to excellence is eroded, because of the group pressure to join the union of the mediocre.
Good-looking Women (sex objects) who seek out rich men (success objects) – Many of these women often go after men with money to gain the dependence on financial security (an illusion of safety), however, once they get the commitment they want from the man, many tend to change and treat the guy badly… they become critical, demanding, disapproving, and pejorative simply because they are dependent and are now “hostage” in their heads, to the man. The very dependency they wanted is the very situation that now reminds them of their own weakness. Therefore, they blame the guy, spend his money, and treat him badly. (The more you give up responsibility for yourself, the more it makes you continually blame others for your condition that you chose.)
Healthcare Workers, Shift Workers at the Company Plant, and Retail Service Representatives. For example, thirty years ago, being a flight attendant was a glamorous job with great pay, perks and benefits.
Over the years things have clearly changed… working conditions, passenger behavior, grooming, standards of conduct, physical condition, and the entire traveling experience. I think this job is the last thing many flight attendants thought they would be doing thirty years later. Clearly many of them appear to often feel hostage to the job because of seniority, vesting, or they are clueless as to what else they would be doing. This has made many of them bitter and filled with TDC (Thinly Disguised Contempt). Therefore, it appears many often want the customers to enjoy their unhappiness. Once again, the very dependency they opted for has made them hostage and therefore, weak, powerless, and unhappy.
Divorce Agreements – It is clear that couples who are unable to reach agreement in divorce settlements are often very unhappy and complaining when the final disillusion decision is made by the courts. The more the couple is dependent on the decisions of the judge, the more it creates anger and complaints. On he other hand, couples who take responsibility together to arrive at acceptable divorce settlements tend to accept the results and move on with their lives with less complaining and going back to court.
The Fabric of Society
As so many more people continue to adopt the ENTITLEMENT attitude where the “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?” perspective becomes ubiquitous, I expect that more and more people will give up control over their lives to government, disability support, workers compensation fraud, dipping into the public treasury, unions, welfare, entitlements, etc., which simply continues to insure their unhappiness/misery as a consequence of wanting to be dependent. As more people opt to be dependent, they want to be taken care of, and therefore, their initiative, self-respect, performance, and control over their lives evaporates. Thus the omnipresent dependency addiction simply sucks the life out of society.
Presently, according to a recent article, 48% of all families in the U.S. today are dipping into the public treasury somehow. This means that approximately half of the population is opting to be dependent on the other half… all while complaining and whining. And, certainly the half that is paying is getting really tired of enabling the dependent people to remain dependent and whining.
It also appears curious that the half that is paying is called “greedy” while the receiving half is called “entitled.”
So it seems that people with dependency addiction have three options:
As Abraham Lincoln said,
It is time for us as a large group of citizens to grow up, establish more backbone, take responsibility for ourselves, appreciate what we have, put a premium on self-respect and quit demanding to be taken care of.
Further, if you choose to remain dependent, then quit complaining about the very condition for which you opted.
Only when you take responsibility for your life, the cards that are dealt, your behavior, your decisions, and your future can you develop some real solid self-respect.
And, self-respect is critical if you want to feel good about what you see in the mirror.
IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER!
IT’S COMMON SENSE… And remember, Common Sense is very uncommon!
Today’s Tickle
HILARIOUS DATING ADS FOR SENIORS
Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper. You can say what you want about Florida, but you rarely hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper. (Who says seniors lack a sense of humor?)
—————————————————-
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty. 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5’6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
——————————————————-
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband. Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting,shortness of breath not a problem.
—————————————————-
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
—————————————————-
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
——————————–
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
—————————————————-
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.
—————————————————-
My favorite…
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.
People need to get fed. They want to know what they are doing that is good. So, regularly catch them doing something right… AND TELL THEM!
It is insane for them to finally find out how good they are at their funeral… so tell them now!
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Practicing Reinforcement: Catching Others Doing Something Right!
PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU TEACH THEM TO TREAT YOU.
THAT WHICH GETS REINFORCED, GETS DONE.
Think about what actually nourishes and encourages you to produce and perform well.
Usually it is mostly about others being impressed, dazzled and proud of you. You are often driven to do well because of:
Your own self-concept
Your values, and
The regard, respect, cheering, and reinforcement you receive from others.
In company cultures, community organizations, marriages, and families (and just about any important relationship with others) there are usually 3 ways in which people find out how they are doing in the minds of others:
Most of the time people receive lots of #1 and #2. Criticism and silence, they even say with relief… “no news is good news!” However, the price on long-term performance is huge. The result is most of your people end up severely EMOTIONALLY MALNOURISHED. They eventually run out of inspiration and emotional reserves to keep producing at high levels.
So, remember the following axiom:
If someone with whom you have any relationship is behaving in a way you become impressed and appreciative, and you reinforce that very behavior you like, you are likely to receive more of that behavior!
Most everyone believes that, and yet we only practice reinforcement with two populations: small children and dogs! If it works with them, then will it work on GROWN -UPS? Of course!
Here are some general guidelines when practicing reinforcement at work:
You will notice people will be happy to tell you more and you get fed!
You are at a very low risk of reinforcing others TOO MUCH!
Remember, life is about two things:
Touching peoples’ lives and
Having your own life touched in return.
Therefore, what touches people’s lives MORE than reinforcement and appreciation?
Today’s Tickle
ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. For me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ It’s unclear how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you learn to laugh at trouble, you will have something to laugh at when you’re old.
Hello:
“If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.” Does this sound familiar? Do you ever notice that when you hear this, you simply want to stall? And before you know it, your life has passed you by and all you do is COUNT moments rather than LIVE them.
So, get off your backside and get going! Remember, “DOING IT RIGHT IS SECONDARY… DOING IT IS PRIMARY!”
Dr. Mitchell Perry
TAKE ACTION
Let’s wait and see what happens, this isn’t a good time. I want to think about it. I need more time first. I might do it wrong… I might make a mistake. I just don’t want to right now. I wish something would happen. I’m not quite ready to do that. I don’t want to talk about it.
Stalling, waiting, marking time, holding steady; does this sound familiar?
All too often, most people would rather describe a problem than solve it, react more than pro-act – passive more than active. The result… just more time rehearsing and refining their problem description skills without taking any action.
Do you want to get a new job, get a college degree, learn a language, lose weight, get in shape, fix your marriage, or play the piano? Well, do you REALLY want to, or do you just want to talk about… or whine about it?
You must always ask yourself a fundamental question whenever you want to do anything!
ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THE FREIGHT?
Will you pay the money, spend the time, expend the energy, learn how, risk failure, etc. to reach your goal? Because your goal can only be achieved if you PAY THE FREIGHT!
The key is to TAKE ACTION. Do something, anything, any kind of action… and get the momentum going. It’s so much easier to turn the sailboat when the boat is moving! When you do, you have movement, which allows course correction along the way. But, stalling and describing, rather than moving and solving, simply allows you to pass your life with time, rather than passing your time with life. You end up having years in your life rather than having life in your years.
So, TAKE ACTION! Confidence comes from DOING! Mastery comes from learning, from discipline, from trusting your instincts and just digging in and doing it!
Make “Take Action” a habit and spread it around.
Today’s Tickle
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
2 No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
Kristen, age 10
3. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
4. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
6. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
7. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10
8. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
Pam, age 7( Love her )
9. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7
10. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8
11. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
12. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
Kelvin, age 8
HO! HO! HO!
JINGLE, JINGLE, JINGLE…OMG, HERE COMES KRIS KRINGLE!
It’s time for Santa, and yuletide, and spending the money,
For presents, and cookies, and egg nog so yummy,
Of your wishes, and daydreams, and caroling bright,
Will you hide in the shadows, or sing out loud in the light?
Out grumpy, out whiny, cease your complaining,
On Rudolf, on tinsel, t’is the season champagning!
Around doubters and cynics, to “believe” is so fickle,
You must now spread some cheer, and create a fun tickle!
Now if you encounter a fat man, who’s jolly and cute, Wearing a beard and a smile, and a red flannel suit,
If he’s chuckling, and giggling, and laughing away, While flying around in the night, in a magical sleigh,
With eight magic reindeer, to pull him along, Then perhaps it could be, that your eggnog’s too strong!
Yet consider the options, make your choice unafraid,
Climb aboard Santa’s sleigh, and be in the parade!
When your life is so touched, it’s the way of the heart,
Be sure you touch many, right from the start!
On our sleigh ride together, measure for measure,
Instead of “not bad”, it’s indeed been OUR PLEASURE!
May you and yours have a VERY MERRY PERRY HOLIDAY!
MERRY MERRY FROM JM PERRY!
Cheers,
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Change Yourself First
How often do you find yourself complaining about someone you wish would change? Do you wish your spouse would simply pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper? Your mother would quit being so critical about virtually everything? Your boss would throw you a bone and give you a bit of credit? Sound familiar?
Notice how much energy you spend trying to get these people to change. Your dedication to the “people fixing rehabilitation project” is quite impressive, yet, as you know, this project is destined to fail. THE MORE YOU TRY TO CHANGE SOMEONE, THE MORE THEY PUSHBACK, RESIST YOUR EFFORTS, AND STAY THE SAME.
What to do? Change yourself and your behavior FIRST. You know for certain that you have more power over changing your own behavior anyway. Furthermore, when you change your own behavior, you frequently force those around you to adjust and change as well.
Consider the following examples:
You want your wife to quit being so critical of you. Has it occurred to you that you help her remain critical because you are often critical of her? So change yourself first. Write your wife a letter telling her all the things you appreciate about her. Then watch… her behavior is likely to change. Furthermore, when she is criticizing, leave her alone with her misery. Let her enjoy her unhappiness by herself. She is more likely to choose having your company than risk losing it by continuing to criticize you.
You want your husband to pick up the laundry and put it in the hamper. Yet every time he fails to do it you jump in and take care of it yourself. You wonder why his behavior remains the same. You are teaching him how to treat you. What to do? Change yourself first. Put the clothes in a pile on his pillow. Put the hamper on the front seat of his car, or file a lawsuit against your spouse with a charge of “irreconcilable laundry differences!” Then watch… your spouse is likely to think twice about dirty laundry and expect you to always take care of it.
The message is this: When you make it policy to regularly consider what YOU can do differently, the world becomes a different place.
You can move mountains with a single thought. Change yourself and your contribution first… and watch the mountains move!
Today’s Tickle
THIS IS GREAT!
You think English is easy???
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
When you have a dilemma in your life, the solutions, the answers, the strategies, and the magic are in the OBVIOUS – and yet the OBVIOUS is OBVIOUS to everyone but you!
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Embrace the Obvious
One of the most curious things about people is their difficulty in recognizing what’s right in front of their faces. Do you ever notice that when you are looking for your keys, they are in your hand? Or when you want to find your glasses, they are sitting right on top of your head? If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is this: “THE MAGIC IS IN THE OBVIOUS.” That means: the answer to your dilemma is often right in front of your face. Your job is to look and find it. Then… DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Example: If you tend to be pessimistic, how much time are you spending complaining or feeling sorry for yourself?
If your business is doing poorly, how much are you contributing to poor customer service? How much are you actually helping the customer be dissatisfied?
If your marriage is one where you feel emotionally malnourished, how much are you withholding nourishment yourself? Or expecting nourishment from a spouse who is ill equipped to give it to you?
If you are tired going up a flight of stairs, how much do you need to lose weight and get in shape?
The answers are often so obvious that we have trouble seeing them. What is even more curious is that everyone else can see what’s right in front of you except you.
So, what to do?
So the message is this: Embrace the Obvious! There’s magic when you recognize what is right in front of your face, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Today’s Tickle
PUN0GRAPHY
· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
· When chemists die, they barium.
· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.
· I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
· I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
· This dyslexic man walks into a bra .
· PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
· I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
· What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
· Broken pencils are pointless.
· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
· Velcro – what a rip off!
· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Hello All:
Consider these names in the news:
Alex Rodriguez, Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds,
Anthony Weiner, Mark Sanford, Elliot Spitzer,
Rod Blagojevich, Martha Stewart and Bob Filner.
What thoughts come to mind? Admiration or disappointment? Respect or cynicism? Awe or let-down? Impressed or depressed?
Which is more likely, respect follows like or like follows respect? You are popular and likely therefore to be respected? Or are you respected and likely therefore to be liked? Which has a longer shelf-life, being liked or being respected?
If you really think about it… RESPECT HAS A LONGER SHELF-LIFE, and you are more likely to be liked and popular after you are respected.
Like most always follows respect. And, people will respect you MORE when you improve your own self-respect.
So strengthen your character and start with your own SELF-RESPECT. You either dilute it or build it up. It is up to you.
You either snatch a rationalization from the jaws of logic, or you go on the road less traveled and stick with your strong character.
At the end of the day, everything comes down to your character.
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Share Your Strength of Character
Every morning when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see? Are you pleased or embarrassed? Proud or ashamed? Impressed or depressed? Excited or bored? Energetic or listless? Engaged or isolated? Powerful or weak? How is your self-respect?
Every morning, whether you like it or not, you wake up inside your own skin. You always wake up you, which means you are always there attending that party… so does it make any sense to you to dislike the person in the mirror? You are unable to get away from that person, which means you always have to live with yourself, your feelings, your choices, and your behavior. And, just like compounded interest in a bank account, there are long-term effects to those choices and behaviors.
At the end of the day, the measure of your life
is inevitably determined by your CHARACTER and all its strengths and weaknesses. So, what is the condition of your Character? What are your basic governing values? What are the basic governing principles by which you want to live?
The essential qualities for Strength of Character include:
INTEGRITY: Honesty, legitimacy, the straight stuff, the full disclosure; the willingness to be unpopular at times, by telling the truth; the absence of lying, tap-dancing, pretending, rationalizing, spinning, distracting and avoiding.
RESPONSIBILITY: Your life is completely your responsibility. If life is going well for you, you probably made it happen. If life is going poorly, you did that too. And if life is a whole new level of underwhelming… you did that too. The cards dealt to you are yours to play — good or bad. So take your lumps and get on with it. The energy you spend on whining, complaining, catastrophizing, awfulizing, and admiring the problems will be so much better spent on problem solving.
GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT: This part of your Strength of Character is about giving more than taking, contributing more than consuming, caring more than expecting, investing more than expensing, and forgiving more than condemning. This part of you is faith, living in the light, deriving meaning, and hearing the quiet. You get more than you give when you give more than you get. (Hmmm… random acts of kindness.)
So, establish a higher standard for yourself and your life. Commit to INTEGRITY, RESPONSIBILITY, and GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT… and then share your values and spread them around. You are quite a role model!
Raise your bar!
Today’s Tickle
One of the Greats
Lawrence Peter Berra played major league baseball for 19 years for the New York Yankees. He played on 10 World Series Championship teams, is a MLB Hall of Famer and has some awe-inspiring stats. His name is consistently brought up as one of the best catchers in baseball history, and he was voted to the Team of the Century in 1999.
Amazing accomplishments aside, they probably aren’t how you know Lawrence . You know him as Yogi, a nickname given to him by a friend who likened his cross-legged sitting to a yogi. Yogi is famous for his fractured English, malapropisms and sometimes nonsensical quotes. He’s closing in on 88, and there seems to be no end to his fans’ love for him.
Here are 25 Yogi Berra quotes that will make you shake your head and smile.
1. “It’s like deja vu all over again.”
2. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
3. “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
4. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
5. “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”
6. “If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
7. “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up some place else.”
8. Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: “I really didn’t say everything I said.”
9. “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
10. “I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”
11. On why he no longer went to Ruggeri’s, a St. Louis restaurant: “Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.”
12. “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”
13. “We have deep depth.”
14. “All pitchers are liars or crybabies.”
15. When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
16. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
17. “Never answer anonymous letters.”
18. On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: “Thank you for making this day necessary.”
19. “The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”
20. “Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.”
21. As a general comment on baseball: “90% of the game is half mental.”
22. “I don’t know (if they were men or women running naked across the field), they had bags over their heads.”
23. “It gets late early out there.”
24. Carmen Berra, Yogi’s wife asked: “Yogi, you are from St. Louis , we live in New Jersey , and you played ball in New York . If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” Yogi’s answer: “Surprise me.”
25. “It ain’t over till it’s over…..”
Listening! It’s what everyone wants in all relationships — business and personal — spouses want it most in each other, customers want it in customer service, bosses and subordinates want it from each other.
So what is going on?
Most of us spend our time rehearsing a response rather than listening to what was said… insanity!
So start learning to listen!
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Effective Listening
Are you a good communicator?
Communication Facts:
Effective Communication is fundamental to successful relationships – both personal and professional
We all communicate daily in some capacity to others
Most people are poor communicators
We get little if any training in effective communication
Yogi Berra once said, “Communication is 90% listening and the other half is talking.”
To the degree to which you can improve your listening skills you will immediately become a better communicator.
Listening is all about Selective Perception.
Selective Perception means viewing the world through a set of filters (culture, background, mood, attitude, emotions, etc.). You see what you want to see. You hear what you want to hear.
Keep in mind there are two levels of communication:
CONTENT — The Data — The Facts
What is said: This is the basic factual data, without
any packaging.
CONTEXT — The Intent — The Packaging
How it is said: When we notice context signals that
are more familiar to us, we naturally feel more
comfortable and have more rapport.
People respond far more to context than content so remain aware of the signals, the tone, volume, pitch, speed, expressions, body language, etc. We are all programmed to respond to contextual signals so be aware of the signals you are giving and receiving. They may convey a different message than you intend. In every conversation remain conscious of the speaker’s content and context to be sure you get the right message.
Learn to Listen! It is critical to make sure you understand others correctly. Effective listening generates the following results:
It reduces the margin of error on what we heard
It allows the person who was speaking to us to reduce their defenses and relax
It helps keep the interchange on track
Remember, Listening is the best way to get your point across!
Today’s Tickle
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons:
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on:
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
Hello!
To differentiate your brand… you must be entirely different from everyone else (instead of simply “better”) and your behavior most impacts the market, and their perception of you.
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Differentiating Behaviors
How are you different? What can you do to set yourself apart?
How many of these traits differentiate you in the eyes of YOUR customer? Which ones do you need to work on the most? Which ones already come easily to you?
Consider the following: If you can find out what your customer wants in his terms and then find a way to give it to him, you will succeed where others fail. This is the secret to all effective sales efforts. Sales is less about selling what you have to your client, but all about encouraging your client to buy what he wants from you. Remember, you want to create “The Pull” and avoid the push.
Today’s Tickle
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old
boy submitted to McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Name: Greg Bulmash
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired Position: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes
Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I’m worth
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for Leaving: It sucked.
Hours Available to Work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1:30 – 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do You Have Any Special Skills? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
May We Contact Your Current Employer? If I had one, would I be here?
Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up to 50 LBS?
Of What?
Do You Have A Car? I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
Have You Received Any Special Awards or Recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Do You Smoke? On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.
What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge? Yes. Absolutely.
Sign Here: Aries
Hello,
Remember, when it comes to persuading others, there is a BIG difference between what is supposed to work and WHAT DOES. Use “The Pull” and LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
The Art of Ultimate Persuasion:
Engaging “The Pull”
When you are in a conversation with someone who is speaking, do you find yourself just waiting for him or her to stop talking so you can start? And, while you are waiting are you rehearsing your beautifully prepared gospel according to you?
How often are you trying to force-feed others with your opinions? Are you telling more than listening? Does it often seem frustrating that people resist your advice and refuse to change?
You know your intentions are good, and your advice is great! What gives? What is wrong with these people?
Well, remember what Stephen Covey says in his
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” The message here is that you are much more likely to get others to change when they conclude it makes sense to do so. If you first understand them, they will be less resistant to your ideas and suggestions when you make them.
If you want others to change, you must ask first, and be prepared to listen.
1. Ask first what is important to them, what’s on their mind, how do they feel, what’s going on, etc.
2. Then listen. Understand, empathize, learn, and appreciate their position.
3. Then steer them to better conclusions.
It’s remarkable how much more receptive others will be toward your position when they have been heard first and understood.
So the message here is this: When you are interested in persuading others and the issues are important to you, FIRST ASK QUESTIONS AND LISTEN. When you do this, people will be less resistant to change and more likely to adjust their position and follow your suggestions.
When you “Pull” (instead of “push”) you “LET THEM HAVE YOUR WAY.”
Today’s Tickle
Murphy’s Lesser Known Laws
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who use more powerful weapons.
The 50-50-90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine tax is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of people who lacked enough intelligence to get out of jury duty.