How to Deal with People Feeling Sorry for Themselves
When you encounter people who are good at playing the role of professional victim, you will often notice that you routinely get seduced by them because they whine and they want an audience. When people swim around in the pity pot they often want you to feel sorry for them so they can describe the breadth of their terrible situation without any interest in solving it or doing anything about it. They simply want you to pay attention to them while they enjoy the “poor me” and describe the “delicious agony of life.” There seems to be something curiously attractive about being a victim and a martyr… apparently sacrificing yourself does get attention. They will often say things to you like, “You couldn’t possibly understand what I have been through.” Then you can expect them to waste your time while they describe the “poor me” in great detail and they can enjoy their victimhood and contest of who is the most oppressed person. You will want to appear interested and likely conclude that you have enabled them to play victim while you are trying to be nice, empathetic, and appreciative of their plight.
After more than four decades in the business of creating improved behavior and relationship and performance effectiveness, it has been routinely and abundantly clear that RESCUING AND FIXING OTHERS FAILS MOST OF THE TIME, in particular, when it is YOUR IDEA TO DO THE RESCUING! Read more
SOME PEOPLE ARE TALKERS; they just love to talk and keep on talking. They are able to change subjects at a moment’s notice, rarely completing one thought before starting another. Blah, Blah, Blah. You have probably known people like this.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
How do you deal with these professional talkers? Most of the time, you probably wait for them to STOP TALKING. You may be concerned that you will be RUDE if you interrupt them, so you simply wait and hope they will stop… AND THEY KEEP TALKING! Read more
Remembering their names… we all have trouble with this one.
How often do you notice that you forget people’s names? You will be at a reception and meet someone, and he will say, “Hello, my name is Steve Harrison.” You will respond, “It is nice to meet you.” Then after five minutes of conversation you will have already forgotten his name. Red Alert!
How embarrassing! Now you feel stupid because you just met this guy and are unable to remember his name.
The whining, the criticizing, the condemning, the blaming, the bellyaching, the awfulizing, the complaining, the catastrophizing, the obsessing… all delivered by so many victims and malcontents. Oh my, enough already!
For many decades, the media has routinely delivered the news and it has almost always been bad. Whether you see it, read it, or listen to it… it is 90% BAD NEWS.
Common sense says that customer service and satisfaction are very important. Almost every business owner/leader will say that “customer service is their number one priority!” If that is so, why is it that customer service so often stinks?
Further, you may notice that when you finally decide to cancel your relationship with a service provider, the largest reason that you leave is likely because they failed to meet your expectations. More than half the time the service provider did a poor job at customer service and managing your expectations, which means that the relationship dimension of the service was given short shrift with you.
One of the most important axioms of life is: LIFE IS OFTEN ABOUT LEARNING LESSONS, AND LESSONS WILL BE REPEATED UNTIL THEY ARE LEARNED.
This could clearly suggest that it would be COMMON SENSE to learn the lessons with all dispatch. On the other hand, common sense is very uncommon.
This axiom certainly seems to apply to most all of us, and if you think about the development of the human species over the last few thousand years, it can be successfully argued that these lessons continue to be repeated with entirely too little progress in the “LEARNING” department, particularly when it comes to how people conduct themselves around one another.
So, let’s take a look at how we might learn lessons sooner and more effectively in order to make faster course corrections and improvements in our lives.
When we were little, we loved to pretend. In fact, we really enjoyed playing “let’s pretend” with our friends. We associate having fun with those memories, and often still daydream and take pleasure in fantasizing about our lives, our future, and our circumstances.
The good news is that pretending is fun; it allows us to dream, fantasize, and believe in the magic. The bad news is, sometimes we hide in pretending as a method to avoid dealing with reality.
REMEMBER, there is always a gap between how life should be and how life is. That gap can be small or huge. When we pretend to excess, we imagine how life is supposed to be… and we often get lost in those imaginations. Read more