When You Want Connection and Reinforcement from Others
Do you want to be complimented, loved, admired, and respected?
You may be unaware that you are continually preventing the very thing you want.
After several decades of experience in my psychotherapy practice helping people to achieve much more functional lives and satisfying relationships, it is clear to me that virtually everyone wants the same thing. Read more
Most of us want to be happy, and yet, too many of us are consumed with our crankiness, fear, depression, feeling unloved, insecurity, being miserable, feeling inadequate, feeling betrayed, etc., essentially being wrapped up in chronic unhappiness!
In addition, I am often struck with the large population of people who are persistently stuck in unhappiness. These malcontents are often whining, bellyaching, criticizing, obsessing, bleating, condemning, catastrophizing, awfulizing, and complaining.
I believe that people will keep choosing familiar routines like this simply because they are familiar, regardless of whether they like it or dislike it. Some examples of this are below.
You go to the same restaurant and order the same item on the menu. This routine is common and it is a great habit if you really like that restaurant and that particular item on the menu. Some of us do!Read more
LOVE WHAT YOU CAN LOVE, AND LET THE REST GO HARVEST THE BEST, OFFLOAD THE REST
Part 1. Your new state of mind (your viewpoint). Love What You Can Love and Let the Rest Go.
Part 2. Your new habits – (your conduct)
What is one of the most challenging dilemmas of life? It is trying to reconcile the gap between how much you love a family member and how much that same family member drives you crazy. Most of the time the targeted individuals are YOUR PARENTS; your MOTHER and/or your FATHER. Sometimes this dilemma appears to be irreconcilable!
One of the most curious things about people is their difficulty in recognizing the obvious — that which is right in front of their faces. Do you ever notice that when you are looking for your keys, they are in your hand? How about when you want to find your glasses and they are sitting right on top of your head? Read more
It appears that playing “victim” in the U.S. is getting more popular these days. I’m struck with all the whining, blaming, accusing, and bellyaching. It seems like playing the victim is now becoming fashionable!
Many people unconsciously play a victim role and, in so doing, they enable others to mistreat, criticize, take advantage, and be disrespectful to them. Others consciously choose to play victim so that they can continue to be irresponsible and blame others for their misfortunes. Read more
How to Deal with People Feeling Sorry for Themselves
When you encounter people who are good at playing the role of professional victim, you will often notice that you routinely get seduced by them because they whine and they want an audience. When people swim around in the pity pot they often want you to feel sorry for them so they can describe the breadth of their terrible situation without any interest in solving it or doing anything about it. They simply want you to pay attention to them while they enjoy the “poor me” and describe the “delicious agony of life.” There seems to be something curiously attractive about being a victim and a martyr… apparently sacrificing yourself does get attention. They will often say things to you like, “You couldn’t possibly understand what I have been through.” Then you can expect them to waste your time while they describe the “poor me” in great detail and they can enjoy their victimhood and contest of who is the most oppressed person. You will want to appear interested and likely conclude that you have enabled them to play victim while you are trying to be nice, empathetic, and appreciative of their plight.