When you change the “yeah buts” to “on the other hand” it is much less of a contest and people begin to listen.
February 2012
The Perry Perspective
Hello Everyone!
The prison of dependency is very expensive. To deliberately opt to be dependent and then complain about the very situation you chose is a new level of insanity.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
THE PRISON OF DEPENDENCY
The fascinating thing is how many people deliberately opt for a dependency existence either personally, professionally, emotionally, and/or financially… then they spend their lives complaining and remaining hostage to the very condition for which they opted.
Some examples to consider:
Government Workers (the Public Sector) – They tend to go down a path that is often predetermined. They trade their control over their destiny for the illusion that security is worth it. They then are mostly rewarded by how LONG they have been working, rather than how WELL they are working. Many often remain miserable people and expect a predictable pay grade, lifestyle, etc., all the while remaining malcontents simply because they choose to remain hostage to a situation that keeps them dependent.
Good-looking Women (sex objects) who are with rich men (success objects) – Many of these women often go after men with money to gain the dependence on emotional and financial security (an illusion of safety), however, once they get the commitment they want from the man, many tend to change and treat the guy badly… they become critical, demanding, disapproving, and pejorative simply because they are dependent and are now “hostage” in their heads, to the man. The very dependency they wanted is the very situation that now reminds them of their own weakness. Therefore, they blame the guy and treat him badly. (The more you give up responsibility for yourself, the more it makes you continually blame others for your condition.)
Healthcare Workers, Shift Workers at the Company Plant, and Retail Service Representatives. For example, thirty years ago, being a flight attendant was a glamorous job with great pay, perks, and benefits Over the years things have clearly changed… working conditions, passenger behavior, grooming, and the entire travelling experience. I think this job is the last thing many flight attendants thought they would be doing thirty years later. Clearly many of them appear to often feel hostage to the job because of seniority, vesting, or they are clueless as to what else they would be doing. This has made many of them bitter and filled with TDC (thinly disguised contempt). Therefore, it appears many often want the customers to enjoy their unhappiness. Once again, the very dependency they opted for has made them hostage and therefore, weak, powerless, and unhappy.
Divorce Agreements – It is clear that couples who are unable to reach agreement in divorce settlements are often very unhappy and complaining when the final disillusion decision is made by the courts. The more the couple is dependent on the decisions of the judge, the more it creates anger and complaints. On the other hand, couples who take responsibility together to arrive at acceptable divorce settlements tend to accept the results and move on with their lives with less complaining and going back to court.
The Fabric of Society
As so many more people continue to adopt the ENTITLEMENT attitude where the “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?” perspective becomes ubiquitous, I expect that more and more people will give up control over their lives to government, disability support, dipping into the public treasury, unions, welfare, entitlements, etc., which simply continues to insure their unhappiness/misery as a consequence of wanting to be dependent. As more people opt to be dependent, they want to be taken care of, and therefore, their initiative, self-respect, performance, and control over their lives evaporates. Thus the omnipresent dependency addiction simply sucks the life out of society.
Presently, according to a recent article, 48% of all families in the US today are dipping into the public treasury somehow. This means that approximately half of the population is opting to be dependent on the other half… all while complaining and whining. And, certainly the half that is paying is getting really tired of enabling the dependent people to remain dependent and whining.
So it seems that people with this dependency addiction have 3 options:
Continue as they are, expect to be dependent, avoid responsibility for their lives, and keep complaining / whining.
Continue the dependency behavior, except quit the complaining and whining. Simply accept the security and keep quiet.
Decide to take responsibility / control for their lives and future, act more independent, take more initiative, and be more proactive.
Abraham Lincoln said, “You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.”
It is time for us as a large group of citizens to grow up, establish more backbone, take responsibility for ourselves, appreciate what we have and quit demanding to be taken care of.
Further, if you remain dependent, then quit complaining about the very condition for which you opted.
Only when you take responsibility for your life, your behavior, your decisions, and your future can you develop some real solid self-respect. And, self-respect is critical if you want to like what you see in the mirror.
IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER!
IT’S COMMON SENSE!
And remember, Common Sense is very uncommon!
Strength of Character
Gaining competitive advantage by raising the bar
Strength of Character explores integrity, responsibility, and generosity of spirit in the business setting, driving a stake into the ground and defining the ethical standards by which business will need to be practiced in the coming decades. This CD explains how leaders and workers can set a new course towards character standards that we all can agree are compelling and necessary. The magic begins when individuals accept responsibility and start making ethical changes in themselves.
Strength of Character CD: $19.95
Strength of Character MP3: $16.95
NOTICE! Many of Dr. Perry’s recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon.
TUNE-UP YOUR UNION WITH DR. MITCHELL PERRY ON THE COUPLES’ CRUISE to MAJESTIC ALASKA!
Join this Couples’ Cruise with renowned relationship expert
Dr. Mitchell Perry on the magnificent ship touring the beauty and magic of Alaska.
Enjoy his funny, lively, and informative sessions on relationships, love, and strengthening your union.
Whether you are:
going steady,
engaged,
married,
been together for many years,
or trying it one more time,
this cruise is perfect for you and your sweetheart.
This voyage with Dr. Perry is limited to 50 couples, and be sure to make reservations early as the first 5 couples to sign up will be able to attend an additional exclusive private workshop with Dr. Perry during the voyage.
This adventure is the perfect combination of experiencing:
The majesty of Alaska
Cruising aboard the beautiful Celebrity Cruise Ship – Infinity
How to tune-up your relationship with more love, fun, intimacy, commitment, and passion.
Every Couple attending will laugh, learn, and love the experience!
THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES GIFT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVE
CALL SANTA BARBARA TRAVEL AT 805 650 6999.
Couples Camp
Couples Camp is a private, confidential way to look at your relationship with your partner. Listen to this 4-hour program along with your partner and you will learn how to improve it, restore the quality of it, maintain the quality of it, or fix what is broken. Whether you’re married, in a committed relationship, or thinking about taking your current relationship to the next level, this 4-hour Couples Camp is for you.
Together we will ask and answer the following:
What is the foundation of our relationship?
What do we want from each other?
What kind of relationship do we have?
What is wrong in our relationship?
What is right with our relationship?
Couples Camp MP3 download only: $39.95
Dr. Perry on You Tube
The Magic is in the obvious… so, Embrace Common Sense!
As we all know, common sense is very uncommon! That is why we have put together some video vignettes that are sensible, prudent, practical, logical, and reflecting sound judgement.
There are now TEN video vignettes on several subjects including:
Responding to a Thank You
The Yeah Buts
The Success Formula
Taking Things Too Personally
Common Sense
Shoulding on Others
Reinforcement
Multiple Options
Thank You Notes
Announcing Your Honesty
We’ve had great response so far, with over 1800 views! There are many more to come, so please let us know what you think.
Log on to http://www.youtube.com/user/JMPerryLearning#p/u
If you want to DO WHAT YOU KNOW, you must equip yourself with the TOOLS to help you engage COMMON SENSE.
For You, Radio Worth Your Time!
“THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW”
Applied Common Sense*
*Because common sense is very uncommon… (and you CAN fix stupid!)
The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Applied Common Sense* Because common sense is very uncommon… airs Saturdays from 9:00 am – 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything — including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular… “Common Sense is very Uncommon!”
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day’s events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
The number to call the studio live is toll free
855- DR-PERRY (377-3779).
You can also listen to the show by logging on to http://www.kvta.com/ and then click on “LISTEN LIVE.”
OUR NEW WEBSITE IS UP! There are a lot of new features, videos, audio recordings, podcasts of Dr. Perry’s radio shows and a new shopping cart that makes it easy to purchase your favorite JM Perry products. Go to https://www.jmperry.com/ and check it out now!
JM Perry Learning
For more information about JM Perry Learning or JM Perry Products, go to https://www.jmperry.com/ or call 1 (855) DR PERRY.
Dr. Perry would love to speak to your organization! Call 1 (855) DR PERRY for details!
Getting your arms around the way life is
Have you ever noticed that sometimes life turns left when it is supposed to turn right? And if you are like most people you have difficulty reconciling the gap between how you think life should be and how life is. One thing that you can do to help yourself grow up is to remember that life is as it is, instead of how it should be. If you remember life is as it is instead of how it should be then what will happen is that you are going to play the cards that are dealt and you are much more likely to do something rather than just complain about it. So remember, life is as it is instead of how it should be. As a matter of fact, the way it is, is often pretty terrific.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now… a thought for many of us, Dr. Perry has suggestions in this radio podcast.
Shoulding on Others
Replace the word “should” with “I encourage you to…”
January 21 Radio Show!
Hello everyone! Life is short. Too often we say throughout our lives…”If I knew then what I know now!”…and then we lament on how much time we wasted: “Why didn’t I do something sooner and repair that relationship?” “If only I had offloaded that relationship many years ago” “I wasted so much time being afraid, and then stalled for too long” “I just kept rationalizing that this is the best I could do!” “I could have…I should have, if only I would have…etc” We could have fixed it, adjusted it, left it, enhanced it, insisted upon it, changed it….. And then we simply keep wasting more time beating ourselves up because we wasted so much time…. SO WHAT TO DO? THAT IS THE SUBJECT OF MY UPCOMING RADIO SHOW ON JANUARY 21. ADDICTED TO TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. STUCK IN AN ENERGY SUCKING SITUATION. SETTLING FOR LESS. CONSTANTLY RATIONALIZING TO REMAIN AMBIVALENT. ARE YOU STAYING IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP? ENABLING IT TO STAY TOXIC? IS THIS THE BEST YOU THINK YOU CAN DO? WANT TO FINALLY MAKE A DECISION ON WHAT TO DO? That and more on my next radio show – Sat., Jan 21. “THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW – APPLIED COMMON SENSE” – Sat. mornings – 9:00-11:00am (PST)- KVTA AM 1520 on the radio or log on to www.kvta.com and click on “Listen Live” -write me here now with your questions or call me on the air! toll free 855 DR PERRY (377-3779) Make a point of listening in and certainly forward this information to whomever you think would value from the program.
The Marriage Functional Union
If you want to keep your marriage healthy it is important to remember this acronym: “To-First.” “To-First” stands for the following: Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. If you can remember these, you’ll think, “To first get my relationship healthy, I have to remember those items.” Tolerance, Openness, Flexibility, Investment, Respect, Support and Trust. When you think of it in those terms, you are more likely to keep it on your radar at which point you are going to improve your marriage’ health.
Lose Weight And Keep It Off. Dr. Perry’s Latest Radio Podcast
As 2012 begins, lose the weight and leave it off! This time, learn how to keep the commitment and overcome medicating with food. Winning the losing game! That and more is here in my latest radio show podcast”the Dr. Mitchell Perry Show – Applied Common Sense”
Losing Weight – Returning to the Fridge
Do you ever notice yourself returning to the fridge? You have just finished eating something and you go back to the fridge to see what else is in there? You looked in there for the last three minutes; on the other hand, maybe something else magically appeared. The deal is that you return to the fridge out of sheer habit, and often because you are bored or have little to do. The way to change that behavior is to do something different. Instead of saying that you are going to stop going to the fridge, you say that you are going to start doing something else; take a walk around the house, take a walk around the neighborhood, or read a magazine. When you do something other than return to the fridge, you are going to break the habit.
Shoulding Yourself
Replace the word “should” with “want” or “will” and you will see better results.