Life is fair, unfair and both. You can obsess about it or accept the way it is.
Push vs. Pull
Dr. Perry’s “Prescriptions For Life”
In this podcast from my radio show I begin a series of programs where I offer expanded descriptions of my Prescriptions For Life. From “Shoulding On Yourself” to using “The Three Option Plan” when negotiating with a family member, boss or employee. This is the start of a fun and empowering program with listener participation. Enjoy!
August 2012
Do you ever notice how some people seem to be on a mission to drive you crazy? They clearly appear to want you to enjoy their unhappiness — they suck energy and your joy.
What do you do?
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Dealing with Difficult People in Business
People can be difficult… and dealing effectively with people in business is crucial to your success. When you learn how to identify people’s behavior in business you are way ahead of the game, and your career (and sanity) will benefit enormously. These benefits can be of great value in the following circumstances:
1. When applying for a job
2. Asking for a promotion
3. Maintaining balance and equilibrium on the job
4. Gaining a new account
5. Succeeding in the merger or acquisition of your company
6. Navigating through the political waters at work
Let’s begin by identifying some popular difficult personality types.
1. The Hostile – This type includes:
- The Bully – the boss or coworker or business contact who takes pleasure in running over you
- The Sniper – the person who says something nasty and pretends to be innocent
- The Exploder – Their favorite line is “Don’t make me mad,” so you are always on guard for an explosion.
3. The Unresponsive – They are silent, non-communicative, unemotional, and distant. It is impossible to tell what their position is on anything.
4. The Indecisive – Perpetually ambivalent, uncommitted; they are afraid of making mistakes, being wrong, and being exposed.
5. The Judge/Calculator – “Let me analyze this,” remaining critical, pejorative, everything is slightly flawed and imperfect.
6. The Passive/Aggressive – Appearing compliant while sabotaging, undermining, and criticizing all the time.
Sound familiar? What do you do about these types when you have to work with them, answer to them, persuade them?
Here are some effective strategies that you can use: (Remember that different types require different tools, and it is helpful if you can use many people tools in your tool box).
1. Keep a smile going, remain strong, impervious to the manipulations (works well on the Negative Complainers).
2. Remove yourself (when possible) from the difficult person (it’s a frustration when they are without an audience) (works on the Bully).
3. Validate their opinion before you counter with yours. They will be less difficult when they feel valued.
4. Listen first. Listening is the best way to get your point across. As Dr. Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, seek first to understand, then be understood (works on everyone, especially the Judge/Calculator).
5. Replace “Yeah But” in your dialog with “On the other hand.” This small change will calm down escalation of contests and conflicts.
6. Ask them to help you understand. People are less likely to be difficult when asked for help (works on the Indecisive and Unresponsive).
7. Reinforce their value following a criticism. People respond to what they heard last, therefore they will be less defensive.
8. Engage in three or more options. People will be less contestual when there are multiple options available.
9. Replace “you should” with “you might,” or “I encourage you to.” People get very difficult when they hear the word “should”.
10. Expose the routine. Announce your confusion with mixed messages from them (sometimes effective on Passive/Aggressive).
Above all, maintain your power and your sense of humor. People can only wreck your day with your consent. Though certainly difficult people often appear to want you to enjoy their misery with them, keep in mind you can always allow them to enjoy their private party by themselves. Remember the movie, “War Games?” At the end of the movie, the computer concluded “The only way to win, is not to play.” How true sometimes.
Resolving Conflicts – Right Fighters
Do you want to be right or do you want to be effective?
Empathy as it relates to customer service
Most of the time people are very frustrated because they think that customer service stinks. Part of the reason it stinks is because people are unhappy and the customer service provider doesn’t appear to care. So, therefore, if you are frustrated as a customer you really want two things: first, you want someone to care and give you a sense of understanding that they get it and you want the problem solved. Therefore, if you are in customer service, my recommendation is when you are dealing with the public, try to find out what is going on with them. And if they are frustrated, you can really appreciate why they’re frustrated if you get into their shoes. You can say, “I can certainly see why you are frustrated,” at which point you will calm down their wrath. So show more empathy, it really works!
The Demise Of Guys
In this podcast of my radio show we discuss the troubling issue of today’s young men being more interested in surfing porn, playing online games and texting as opposed to taking on challenges like higher education, relationships and being the breadwinner in their family.
Operating From Strength
From Catastrophizing to Capitalizing: it’s all about operating from strength! In this podcast from my radio show I discuss the secret sauce for success with two highly motivated entrepreneurs.
Are We Special, or Do We Make Ourselves Special?
Fascinating conversation about today’s generation being raised as if they are special from the start. In this podcast from my radio show I discuss personal responsibility and entitlement. Along with my analysis and listener comments we air David McCullough Jr.’s outstanding High School Commencement Speech known as the “you’re not special” address. Enjoy!
Resolving Conflicts – Conflicts are Normal
Conflicts are part of life.