One of the things you will want to do if you are going to resolve conflict is to review the way you think about compromise. If you’re a them vs. us, win – lose, black – white, kind of person then often you think that any kind of compromise is a loss. Compromise is, you give a little and I give a little, and we make a quid pro quo kind of deal. But, if you think that anything less than what you want is a loss, then you are going to associate weakness and loss with compromise. My recommendation is to remember if you are going to resolve conflict, compromise is one of the essential tools to do it. When you learn to compromise, you are probably going to resolve the conflict and move on.
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
Listening! It’s what everyone wants in all relationships — business and personal — spouses want it most in each other, customers want it in customer service, bosses and subordinates want it from each other.
So what is going on?
Most of us spend our time rehearsing a response rather than listening to what was said… insanity!
So start learning to listen!
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Effective Listening
Are you a good communicator?
Communication Facts:
Effective Communication is fundamental to successful relationships – both personal and professional
We all communicate daily in some capacity to others
Most people are poor communicators
We get little if any training in effective communication
Yogi Berra once said, “Communication is 90% listening and the other half is talking.”
To the degree to which you can improve your listening skills you will immediately become a better communicator.
Listening is all about Selective Perception.
Selective Perception means viewing the world through a set of filters (culture, background, mood, attitude, emotions, etc.). You see what you want to see. You hear what you want to hear.
Keep in mind there are two levels of communication:
CONTENT — The Data — The Facts
What is said: This is the basic factual data, without
any packaging.
CONTEXT — The Intent — The Packaging
How it is said: When we notice context signals that
are more familiar to us, we naturally feel more
comfortable and have more rapport.
People respond far more to context than content so remain aware of the signals, the tone, volume, pitch, speed, expressions, body language, etc. We are all programmed to respond to contextual signals so be aware of the signals you are giving and receiving. They may convey a different message than you intend. In every conversation remain conscious of the speaker’s content and context to be sure you get the right message.
Learn to Listen! It is critical to make sure you understand others correctly. Effective listening generates the following results:
It reduces the margin of error on what we heard
It allows the person who was speaking to us to reduce their defenses and relax
It helps keep the interchange on track
Remember, Listening is the best way to get your point across!
Today’s Tickle
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons:
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on:
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
Helicopter Parents
It is important to provide good role modeling.
Resolvng Conflict
One of the things that you want to do if you are going to resolve conflict is you must adjust your view on conflict. Lots of people think that conflict is bad and therefore, destructive and you must avoid it. The reality is, conflict is inevitable and it’s what happens with people. If you understand that it is inevitable, sometimes when you actually resolve conflict, you feel relived; it feels like the air is cleared. Rather than deciding that conflict is bad, consider that conflict is normal and right on schedule. If you think that way, you are much more likely to confront it and learn the skills to resolve it. So conflict is inevitable and you can learn the skills and you’ll get better results.
Counter Productive Patterns of Speech – Failure Forecasting
You help people to conclude that failure is on the horizon
Them vs. Us
One of the beliefs that are very counter-productive in resolving conflict is them vs. us. That means that you think in the terms of win or lose, right or wrong, good or badand them vs. us. If you have that notion, it is very unlikely that you are ever going to resolve conflict because it’s now them vs. us. So, think about us and us. Think about demonizing “them” less and about trying to work with “them,” whoever theyare. When you do that, you are much more likely to resolve conflict and them vs. us will become less toxic.
Counter Productive Patterns of Speech – Disjointed Thoughts and Sentences
People get uncomfortable.
Resolving conflict
When it comes to resolving conflict, most of us are ill-equipped and unskilled to deal with it effectively. Most of us do either “fight” or “flight.” “Flight” is where you run away from the conflict hoping that it will take care of itself. “Fight” is an opportunity for a contest where there is an adversarial outcome that goes on and on. The first thing to think about when it comes to resolving conflict is the “third option.” The “third option” is to resolve. Resolving the conflict means we have to have the skills to do it and we want to come up with an outcome that we can live with, something that is less than perfect but still workable. So think about resolving conflict rather than flight or fight.
Listening
It is curious that all the surveys continue to confirm that everyone wants more listening… listening from your partner, a service provider, from a manager; the reality is rarely do people actually listen. When you listen, its more than just hearing what someone says. It means that you play back to them what you thought they said. When you do that, you reduce the margin for error between what you heard and what they said. And, more important, when you play it back, they feel understood. If they feel understood, they are much less likely to get defensive. Spend more time listening to what people say and then play back to them, particularly when it is important what they said. When you do that, you actually make progress because listening is the best way to get your point across.
DIFFERENTIATING BEHAVIORS
Hello!
To differentiate your brand… you must be entirely different from everyone else (instead of simply “better”) and your behavior most impacts the market, and their perception of you.
It’s Common Sense and remember, Common Sense is very Uncommon.
Dr. Mitchell Perry
Differentiating Behaviors
How are you different? What can you do to set yourself apart?
- Introduce yourself
- Stand, shake hands, and make eye contact
- Personalize by addressing your customer by name
- Be an expert in your business
- Make frequent contact with your customer
- Write thank you notes
- Write personal notes (remember something special)
- Fast recognition
- Have a positive attitude about yourself, your position, and your company
- Learn to listen: Ask more and tell less – listening is the best way to get your point across
- Learn to express yourself optimistically
- Keep every promise
- Commit to check in and follow up often, then do it! Go the extra mile – deliver more than you promise
- Use humor and smile often
- Consider incorporating some random acts of kindness into the relationship
- Become a trusted advisor
- Be a tailor – continually “custom tailor” your relationship with them
How many of these traits differentiate you in the eyes of YOUR customer? Which ones do you need to work on the most? Which ones already come easily to you?
Consider the following: If you can find out what your customer wants in his terms and then find a way to give it to him, you will succeed where others fail. This is the secret to all effective sales efforts. Sales is less about selling what you have to your client, but all about encouraging your client to buy what he wants from you. Remember, you want to create “The Pull” and avoid the push.
Today’s Tickle
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old
boy submitted to McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
Name: Greg Bulmash
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired Position: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes
Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I’m worth
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for Leaving: It sucked.
Hours Available to Work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1:30 – 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do You Have Any Special Skills? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
May We Contact Your Current Employer? If I had one, would I be here?
Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up to 50 LBS?
Of What?
Do You Have A Car? I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
Have You Received Any Special Awards or Recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Do You Smoke? On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.
What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge? Yes. Absolutely.
Sign Here: Aries