Part 3 of The Art of Persuasion: “THE PULL©” – Universal Influence Series

 Sometimes when you encounter people you will notice that they seem to have the “Magic.” They have that idiosyncratic special gift of personal genius that makes them powerful, influential, entertaining, persuasive, and seemingly supernatural.

People with that gift make us happy, laugh, excited, entertained, and willing and eager to buy what they are selling. A popular term about people like that is “he can sell igloos to Eskimos!”

Have you ever looked at how they do what they do? Have you ever noticed what makes you get so impacted and persuaded when they are around?

I call people like that SEDUCTIVE and you will often pay good money to get the experience of being SEDUCED!

For example, you may be a major fan of special and talented entertainers, musicians, singers, musical groups, chefs, celebrities, comedians, dancers, directors, movie stars, gurus, or politicians.

You may have been so impressed with these people that you have gone to see them in concert or at some other live performance. You may have also been willing to spend a LOT of money to get really good seats to experience the concert of a lifetime! You love that person / group / star so much that you often want another “fix” of their magic!   In other words, you will pay a lot of money to be “SEDUCED” into that magical emotional state once again.

You also know what is going to happen. Imagine it is a 2-hour concert and you have listened to the recordings countless times. You know many of the words to the songs. You have had so many wonderful life memories because of those songs and you want another fix!

You know that you will hear many familiar songs and you also know that the best hit songs are likely to be performed towards the end of the concert.  You are waiting for it and close to the end of the concert you experience one of the big hits.  You jump out of your chair along with most everyone else and you hoot and holler and applaud because the introduction tees up the song.  Then you hear another big hit and again you are so excited, as is the whole audience and everyone is on their feet.

At the end of this hit song the artist says, “thank you so much, goodnight!” and begins to walk off stage.  What does everyone do?  You deliver a loud and enthusiastic standing ovation. After a minute the artist comes back on stage and sings an even bigger hit!  You are thrilled and at the end of the song the artist again says, “thanks so much and good night!” then leaves the stage.  Despite your ongoing ovations, the artist is gone. You wanted more and yet, the artist held back giving you everything.

Why? Because the art of Seduction is: 

  1. To give you what you want
  2. A powerful emotional experience
  3. Withholding just a little at the end to keep you wanting more

There are many times and circumstances where Seduction is powerful, you want it, and remain attracted and addicted to the experience.

If this Seduction is so powerful and magical then let’s imagine you could learn to do some form of this persuasion in your work, your relationships, or in your market.

INGREDIENTS OF SEDUCTION (amplifying your persuasion power)

  1. TOTAL INFLUENCE AND FOCUS IS ON THEM (instead of you). They are their favorite subject. You talk very little about your brand or yourself. It is all about them; your customers, clients, audience, markets, referrals, etc.
  1. YOU BECOME MORE INTERESTING WHEN YOU ARE INTERESTED. Display even more interest and focus on them.  Find out what they want, in their terms, and then give it to them.  They will think you are wonderful because you are making this all about them. The seduction has begun.
  1. DELIVER MORE REINFORCEMENT. Focus on the cheese, tell them what you like about them, celebrate them, compliment them, validate them, tell them good news, what you like, what you think is great, capitalize on what is good; the good news, just like your favorite entertainers do.
  2. DELIVER MORE PULL© THAN PUSH. Ask more questions than giving answers. Have them come to conclusions about what they want, what is important to them, and what they might want from you.

Remember to practice The Pull©:

  1. Ask questions / more open-ended questions
  2. Play back to them what they said to help you make sure you understood them, and more important, to help them feel understood!
  3. If you got it right, they will feel understood, which makes them be open with little need to pushback, and therefore, they are receptive
  4. Empathize:
    • I can see how that would impact you
    • I imagine that was difficult
    • You must have been so pleased
    • Etc. 
  5. Repeat a, b, c, and d

The more you PULL© with these additional ingredients, the more seductive you become because they are emotionally attached to this process of it being all about them.

  1. MORE TAILORING TO BUILD A CUSTOM-MADE SUIT. Remember, the last thing you want is for the customers to conclude that they or you are just a commodity. They want to feel special and important. You are building them a custom-made suit. People will pay more for a custom-made suit and are willing to attend a series of “fittings” to receive this suit made especially for them.
  1. MORE SELF-TRUST that this method works and is all about them. See my article, “The Self-Respect Barometer.” It is all about your self-respect and that you are on the right track.
  1. MORE ENJOYMENT FOR YOU AND THEM. You get higher performance results when you are enjoying the process, this is clearly Common Sense.

You must communicate to your audience that you enjoy them and enjoy this process of building them a custom-made suit.

  1. HARVEST THEIR EMOTIONS. Periodically ask them their thoughts about what they value thus far in the conversation. “What got your attention so far?” They will likely talk about what they liked and be sure to reinforce that. When you harvest their emotions they like it and want more. You feel good as well. Be sure to harvest their emotions at the end of every conversation. When you do, you are confirming the seduction. You also may want to withhold a little at the end and ask for another “fitting” which means they have to wait longer for you to continue the seduction.
  1. USE MULTIPLE OPTIONS. Most people polarize routinely and unconsciously. Polarizing happens when they think in 1 or 2 options… which means the seduction is compromised when they think about win/lose; right/wrong; good/bad; all/nothing; black/white. Therefore, you continue the seduction because there are always 3 or more options from which to choose. Give them 3 options and put the preferred one last.
  1. CREATE MORE GLUE. The seduction is all about the emotional glue in their relationship with you. Your relationship is everything. When you get really good at the seduction they want to see you again. They want more glue and the bonus is that they get your service or product.
  1. FOCUS ON WHAT THEY WILL GET rather than what you will do. Remember, along the way you may become anxious and will want to talk about you and your product / service and do any of the following:
  • Talk about what you will do for them
  • Want to “save the village” and rescue them
  • Describe what you have done for other clients
  • Describe why you are the best
  • Get “get into the weeds” to show off the complexity of what you do (to make them think you are smart)
  • Want to “sell your product” to close the deal which will make the subject be about you instead of about them

ALERT!

Remember that people love to buy stuff and they hate to be sold stuff.  Your job is to create a condition where they want it.  So talk about what they will get rather than what you will do for them.

Talk routinely about what they will receive, obtain, achieve, learn, develop, etc.

You are “holding back” just a little. They will want you more.  When you do this they will want you, your service, and your product.  You will be delighted when THEY ASK YOU FOR THE BUSINESS.  Then you will say “YES!”

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